A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
-- Groucho Marx
When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.
-- Albert Guinon
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
-- Flannery O'Connor
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
-- W. C. Fields
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
-- Abraham Lincoln
The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.
-- Evan Esar
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
-- Elayne Boosler
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!
-- Henry David Thoreau
The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.
-- Edith Sitwell
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Elayne BooslerI'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
-- Carl Sandburg, Incidentals (1907)
I'm still an atheist, thank God.
-- Luis Bunuel
He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.
-- Richard Brinsley Sheridan
Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.
-- Robin Morgan
Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.
-- Ernest Haskin
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
-- Ellen DeGeneres
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
-- David Letterman
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise.
-- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
-- Sam Brown, Washington Post, 1977
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